Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
