just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
