Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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