I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
