My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
