i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
