Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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