I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
