shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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