I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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