I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
