There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
