My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
