i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
