whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
