I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize