I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
