saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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