thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
