please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize