this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
