Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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