He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
