I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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