I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize