Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
