Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
