I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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