We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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