The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
