She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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