New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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