hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
