I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My balls are so social today.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
