So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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