her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
