Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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