pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
