The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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