Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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