1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
