yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
