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he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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