I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
