I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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