i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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