I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
