im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
