I'll bet she douches with gravy.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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