I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
