went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
