My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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