"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
