Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
