Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The Olympian is in my bed
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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