Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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