Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
