I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
