so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
