nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
