my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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