I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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