Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
