I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
