Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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