her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
