every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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