i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
