You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
