Where is the hickey?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
