tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
