Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
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