did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
MIDGETS
????
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
