ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
