i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
