just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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