bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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