Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
