Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
