took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
