Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
