I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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