Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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