I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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