everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
