Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
