I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
