So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
