you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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