i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
