Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
