I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
