Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
