omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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