He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize