Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Randomize
